People are remiss in speaking about embarrassing moments in their life or so ignorant that they do not know they should be embarrassed. Some moments can be so monumentally out of control, nothing can be done to minimize the psychological trauma induced. Almost sounds like the opening monologue to the TV series Dragnet?

I remember when I was 17 and one particular morning I decided I was not going to wear any underwear that day. I threw on a pair of Levi 501 jeans and immediately felt the excruciating pain of having my fore skin pinched in the zipper. I tried to unzip it but that was impossibility. I was writhing in pain on the floor when my brother found me. He did not immediately assess the emergency right away believing I was doing a convulsive dance move I had learned recently at a disco club. When he realized what had occurred, he called the volunteer fire department and they zoomed to the rescue. They had brought the Jaws of Life, which at the time period resembled a backhoe. These after all were all volunteer firemen meaning they were all farmers and the closest thing to a human they had experience with medically was a bull. After 4 hours of jokes and laughter emanating from all the fireman and me losing five pounds of weight due to profuse sweating I was free once more and had learned the lesson to always to wear underwear or face the possible consequences of an entire community scrutinizing my junk and making jokes about it the entire time. I still cannot take showers at the gym or look at myself in a mirror unless fully clothed or with very dark sunglasses on. Continue reading »