NEW YORK – Manhattan chef, Daniel Angerer, has concocted and posted a recipe for a new titillating culinary delight on his blog: cheese made from his wife’s breast milk, or what he refers to as “My spouse’s mommy milk cheese.” Angerer thought up the busty formage after he and his wife, Lori Mason, experienced an overabundance of Lori’s breast milk in their freezer. His recipe includes the cheese encrusted with maple caramelized pumpkin and Concord grapes.

With the sudden popularity of the “mommy milk cheese”, Angerer has begun experimenting with other non-standard fares which he hopes to add to his blog. These include a “Gooseberry toe jam” and a sharper, and significantly more pungent, “Dick cheese”.

We all seem to know someone who during the course of interacting with them in any way, shape or form display an annoying habit which perturbs us to no end. Some seem to be much worse than others and some we simply tolerate, never to be spoken of. I realized just how many I can think of off the top of my head who I personally have known. I became aware of this due to the interaction with a person I work with. Well I would not say WORK with. Basically, I do the work while he sits on his ass and goes to meetings all day. That is what really valuable employees do all day on the job in America: go to meetings to make plans that never come to fruition. I call them the cloud people. These are people who make the craziest proposals and convey the silliest ideas. Management being too embarrassed to admit they hired these idiots, just sit back and listen to their latest idea on how utilizing a wild wolverine, let lose into an enclosed play ground full of 5 and 6-year-olds will sell routers. It might make for a great Pay-Per-View spectacle!

My animatronic lion cub is watching over me at this second, purring every once in awhile begging me to pay attention to him as I am sitting typing the thoughts that have crossed my mind today. I purchased him on sale for $14.95 at Target and it was created by Woowee so it is high quality. He is kind of gnarly since I am sure he was handled by 1 million pairs of sticky, bacterial laden hands and then there were the multitude of kids that handled it, and inevitably someone into bestiality probably fondled him and stuck him into his pants. His right eye does not close all the way so he robotically sleeps with an eye partially open. After being in someone’s pants I do not blame him! I only have to feed him battery current and he does not poop on my desk or shed hair and I find myself brushing him when ever I am doing my armpit hair so there is no extra effort there. I believe in marking my territory. He was named Jubal after one of my favorite and most beloved literary characters. He can be found in “At the Earth’s Core”, Jubal the Ugly is his full name. Friends call him Ug for short. I love him almost as much as my ex pet fly Sol. I still weep when I look at his little thimble of a cremation urn that sits on my desk. The urn gets lost frequently. Fly remains take up an incredibly small amount of space.

These are but a few quips I have read on Facebook that cause bemusement and can puzzle me and outright can be thought provoking. All you have that has to be done is a little searching.

1. What is this hair doing in my teeth?
2. Whose finger is the dog chewing on and dragging around the house now?
3. Damn I hate it when the neighbors are BBQing skunk!
4. I told the 5 people on train it was just Capri Sun Lemonade I spilled on them when my colostomy bag exploded.
5. Yoko Ono is hot but then I am legally blind…
6. My husband got his penis stuck in the hot tub jet again!
7. I accidentally took Viagra instead of Tylenol and have been limping for 3 days.

New York—Mark McGwire told the Associated Press during a phone interview that he did indeed use steroids in 1998. His voice cracked as he recounted telling his wife, parents and children about his use.

His voice broke as he said, “It’s the first time they’ve ever heard me, you know, talk about this. I hid it from everybody.” But apparently not from Jose Canseco, a former teammate.

McGwire also called commissioner Bud Selig and Cardinals manager Tony La Russa to personally apologize.

McGwire added that when he used steroids, he never imagined he would have to talk about it to the national media nor about how small his gonads had gotten.

SAN CLEMENTE, CA—Orange County nudists are up in arms over the burial of a rotting seal carcass on a San Onofre beach. The nudists stated Tuesday that parks officials buried the animal on the clothing-optional beach. Allen Baylis, a frequenter of the location, said one of the dead seal’s fins sticks out of the sand just a few yards form a volleyball court and is a danger to his “extremely long penis”. He added that the stench from the decomposing animal is so horrendous that he’s been forced to wear a scarf over his nose which goes against his clothing-optional lifestyle.

The stench was also reported to be keeping many beach-goers away but other sources reported that the sight of Baylis’ “withered sack” was the real reason for avoidance of the area.

Steve Scott, the park’s maintenance chief, told reporters that the fin was left exposed to assist the nudists in removing sand lodged in their cracks, as he demonstrated by squatting and rocking back and forth. There was no intention of offending or inconveniencing the nudists