The soon to be released Diabro game.
SAN MATEO, CA—In light of declining PC game sales, game developers and publishers have shifted their focus and are currently developing titles more tailored to a heretofore ignored demographic: the African-American male (ages 8-30).
In a recent study conducted earlier this year by Chandler Research Corp. and funded by computer game mogul Electronic Arts, it was determined that African-American males comprised only 8% of the PC gaming market. Continue reading »
As I scan the TV channels from time to time I’m amazed at the types of “sports” people are occupying their spare time with these days. Over and over I see footage of skate boarders and roller bladders sliding down stair rails and flying down several flights of steps, doing handstands on fire hydrants, park benches and stationary pedestrians. Everything the mind can imagine is being tried these days: skydiving, bungee jumping, bungee skydiving, skydiving with stationary pedestrians… it goes on and on. But sadly, I can’t help to think that these people are all pussies. Yes, you heard me right, wimps! When I was young we participated in even more extreme sports than those concocted today and some were even against our will. Continue reading »
Greetings, Earthlings. I am Valkenze Frogenblatz, the Imperial Viceroy of Mars, third cousin to the Emperor. I have broken thousands of years of radio silence between our two respective races to deliver this message: Mars needs feminine hygiene products! Continue reading »
Los Angeles, CA- The atmosphere was heady at the press conference called today by musicians Trey Anastasio and Tommy Shaw, where they confirmed the rumors that had been floating around for weeks: the worldwide Phish-Styx tour was on.
“We had been talking with Mick Jagger about touring with him,” said Styx member Tommy Shaw, “but the Stones wanted top billing, and that just wouldn’t have worked. So after those negotiations fell through, I gave Trey a call the very next day. He was very open to the idea of touring together.”
“Yeah man, I totally grokked the idea,” drawled Phish front man, Trey Anastasio. “Our music styles are so incompatible that it was bound to happen sooner or later. After the nation watched Britney Spears perform ‘Walk This Way’ with Aerosmith during last year’s Super Bowl half-time show, I knew that a combined Phish-Styx tour was the next logical step.”
The tour is scheduled to start during the summer of 2002, and is being sponsored by Mrs. Paul’s and Van de Kamp’s. It is rumored that the Gorton’s Fisherman himself might be in attendance on the opening night of the tour.
In what could be called a “sign of the times” local area man “Smelly” Hank Jacks was heard asking for “a buck fiddy” outside the local Happy Harold’s Stop ‘n Rob last weekend. “Yo, my man, youse gots a buck fiddy?” asked a tatterd Jacks to all who approached. When asked what he needed it for, Jacks replied, “My medsin.” Medsin? “Yeah,” he continued, “it hepps me sleep. C’mon, help a brotha out. Gimme a buck fiddy.”
When asked his opinion on the current legislation regarding prescription coverage through Medicare, Jacks replied, “So’s youse ain’ts got it? How ‘bouts a dolla? Youse gots a dolla? Hank can make do with a dolla.” Dolla? Sadly, this reporter didn’t.
GENOA, Italy — Activists protesting at the G8 economic summit in Genoa have become disheartened by the lack of persecution by authorities, according to Edgar Franklin, spokesman for the World Anarchistic National Council.
Franklin, who heads the anti-capitalism group based in Preservation Hills, California, spoke to a slightly intoxicated local newsman Sunday, saying, “We’ve been really disappointed that the police haven’t busted into our headquarters here and cracked a few skulls like they did for the GSF down the block. Shaking his head sadly, Franklin continued, “I mean, if the authorities don’t break a few bones, we’ll never get the kind of press we need to push our ill-conceived agenda to the other liberal nut jobs all over the world.”
A police spokesman appeared puzzled when asked about a potential assault on the WANC headquarters. “Which group was that? Are they the ones who want to abolish all uses of wood?”
Franklin responded to the police comments by nervously stammering that members of WANC will “just have to get the authorities to take notice”. Franklin was last seen slinking into the WANC headquarters, muttering to himself about making some “strongly-worded signs” as the smell of boiling lentils filled the air.
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