News of the delayed "Extra-Super Ginormous Gulp" shocks the press.
DALLAS, TX—President and Chief Executive Officer James W. Keyes of 7-Eleven, Inc. announced in a press conference last week that the release of the eagerly awaited newest addition to the Super Gulp family: the “Extra-Super Ginormous Gulp”, has been regrettably delayed. Continue reading »
AFGHANISTAN—In a plea to the world to refrain from taking military action upon them, Taliban officials declared that they are the true victims of the WTC tragedy. Ali Abu-Abdul-Momoboody A-Kookoo stated that, “The Taliban government is the true victim here. We have done nothing wrong. We seek only peace. The United States must take action against only those responsible.” With that the Taliban representative then drew a large curved scimitar and cut down a veiled woman to his right. When asked why he did that Abu-Abdul-Momoboody A-Kookoo replied, “Her toe was showing beneath her robes.”
CHEYENNE, WY—Local Cheyenne resident, Barry Stike, admitted Tuesday that he wanted to do the Dhue. “Man, since this whole World Trade Center thing broke out I’ve been glued to Fox News; I really never watched it before then. Man, oh man! That Laurie Dhue chick is hot. What a piece of ass!”
Stike seemed to be referring to pouty–lipped Fox News Channel anchorwoman, Laurie Dhue. “Man, she’s got some awesome DSLs! Whoo!” Was Stike referring to a possible high-speed Internet connection? “No, dude! Dick Sucking Lips! Whoo!” Stike exclaimed imitating a disturbing fellatio maneuver.
When asked for comment, Dhue replied, “I get that a lot.”
The continuos cleanup.
NEW YORK, NY—In the wake of the World Trade Center tragedy on September 11th a devastating wave rippled across the business community, among these, the satire industry. In an exclusive interview, our very own Necromancer X commented on the lack of material for his website and the abundant lack of “satireable” news in the media. Continue reading »
Okay, did we really need this? Here’s a disclaimer from the manufacturer, “Due to the extremely high velocity to which each can be fired there is the ever present danger of death or dismemberment due to faulty handling. Although an owner’s manual and operating instructions are included… it is highly recommended to practice fire this weapon OUTDOORS before launching these deadly Mountain Dew cans at your friends at your next party or get together.” NO SHIT!
SANTA BARBARA , CA—”That dude’s fuckin’ crazy,” exclaimed Frank Pierce during a late night frat party on August 4th. “Check him out, he’s jacked up!” Pierce guffawed pointing to a group of people out on the balcony of his fraternity house. “Man, what a freak! Look, look, check it… see… that dude’s fuckin’ crazy!” Pierce yelled jumping up from the velvet couch he had been sitting on and spilling his beer.
Upon questioning the individuals on the balcony, it was discovered that most of them agreed that Pierce is “fuckin’ crazy”.
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