Ah yes, the holidays are upon us and this year our Editor in Chief, Necromancer X, has asked us all to write down some of our thoughts on this time of year. As a crime-fighter I tend to see mostly the underbelly of society and though it is true that even now during the holidays criminals are afoot, I thought I would share something nice about this time of year. Continue reading »
I sit here now at my computer, cold, alone and without cheese and can’t help but think what a pathetic limp-dicked pantywaist Iron Chef Monkey Butt is. You see, I just finished reading his article and immediately said to myself, “What a sack of emotionally basted holiday gibber-crap!” But I guess people like him can’t be blamed for their misconstrued delusions of happiness, peace and joy that those pimply-assed fucks at Hallmark have so cunningly sown in their minds. No, you see, they are just products of Zales commercials, CompUSA advertisements and that damned Martha fuckin’ Stewart. Look you fat-assed marketing executives, no one I know gives Palm Pilots and laptop computers for Christmas! And Martha, if it’s not absolutely perfect, screw it! Those bastards you’re entertaining don’t give a shit (speaking of shit, check out www.ratemypoo.com) about your hand crocheted Christmas cocks! Continue reading »
Okay, here’s the gist of this product: Nori The Original Nasal Passage Cleaner is designed to, well, clean your nasal passages. Their website states, “Free your nose up, take deeper breaths, and get back your health with a natural and gentle nasal passage cleaner.” Whatever… looks like some demented crack pipe to me. I gotta admit, though, they have a unique product so I’ll give them a link and you can check it out for yourself.
You know, some guy who I can’t be bothered to remember once said, “No man is as sure to find unhappiness as a cynic with a damp wad of compassion deep in their heart.” How I know that sting.
See, that fits me to a tee. No matter how bitter and intolerant I get when faced with the unending barrage of stupidity from the people around me, I can still get choked up by an after-school special featuring a young Joey Lawrence when I find myself drifting across the dial to the Lifetime network on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Continue reading »
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