Apr 242002

NX

A wise man once asked me, “Hey, you gonna pass that freakin’ catsup or what?” Catsup, I thought to myself? Surely he doesn’t mean ketchup? Again, the aged pedophile queried, “Hey, idiot, the fucking catsup!” There, he had said it again: catsup. I tore my eyes from him to the bottle of ketchup to my right just slightly out of reach of the old coot’s rapacious grasp. A rather befuddled look then slowly painted his ponderous face slightly akin to that of what Rosie O’Donnell’s stretch pants might make as she attempts to squeeze into them. Continue reading »

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The survey of 1,000 adults, including 261 Catholics, was conducted for Newsweek magazine Thursday and Friday amid a months-long scandal over sexual abuse by priests. The pope told US cardinals meeting at the Vatican last week that pedophilia was a crime that had no place in the church.

The US Catholic Church has been shaken by disclosures that priests known to have molested children were merely transferred from parish to parish rather than defrocked. According to the poll, 82 percent of Americans thought the Church had been too lenient on pedophile priests, while just 2 percent said it had been too harsh. Eight percent felt the church’s response had been appropriate.

An unidentified clergy member agreed that the penalties were severe enough, saying, “I had to say 100 Hail Marys, 80 Our Fathers, an Act of Contrition and on top of that I was reassigned to a new parish where I had to make new ‘friends’. I tell you, It’s just plain wrong.”

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WASHINGTON—President Bush is pressing the Senate to approve a total ban on human cloning that would outlaw the duplication of human beings and of cells that could be used for research and treatment of diseases.

Bush long has opposed human cloning. When he announced his decision in August to restrict but not forbid federal financing of so-called embryonic stem cell research, he said: “We recoil at the idea of growing human beings for spare body parts or creating life for our convenience.”

On Wednesday (Apr 10), Bush was speaking to 175 doctors, scientists, lawmakers, religious activists and disabled people to mobilize bipartisan support behind a complete ban on cloning. Aides said Bush’s speech would be “reflective” on the ethical issues that cloning poses.

Bush was adamant on his stance, stating, “Cloning is bad… very, very bad. What if someone were to clone somebody like Hitler or bin Laden or me for that matter? The horrors would be unimaginationable.”

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LAS VEGAS—Nevada authorities are now offering license plates depicting a nuclear blast. The fundraising plate, which honors Nevada’s atomic past, has been criticized as ill timed and inappropriate. Others don’t mind the idea of cars with mushroom-cloud license plates sharing roads with tractor-trailers hauling radioactive waste.

Besides the mushroom cloud, the brown and purple plates show the nucleus-and-atom logo for atomic energy and Albert Einstein’s formula for the theory of relativity.

State lawmakers approved the plates last year, and the bill’s sponsor, Senate Minority Leader Dina Titus, said she recalled little opposition.

“This is an important part of Nevada history, and national and international history,” said Titus. “I think Nevadans think testing was patriotic. It was done for the good of the country during the Cold War. Besides, the only other choices were a picture of a woman spread-eagle with a caption stating ‘Nevada: Whores, Gambling and Desert’ and one with a picture of a white tiger captioned ‘Nevada: Siegfried & Roy Live Here’.”

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MONROE, OH—A beer truck flipped over at about 6 a.m. on the ramp from state Route 73 to state Route 4 in Monroe, just south of Middletown, WLWT Eyewitness News 5 reported April 26th.

The truck was carrying a full load of beer but the driver was not injured, and the accident was early enough to not cause major problems while the ramp was closed.

The driver was, however, taken into custody and charged with several counts of alcohol abuse. Area businesses were also closed in observance of this “tragic loss”.

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MARS—A flood one and a quarter times the size of Lake Erie poured over the surface of Mars relatively recently, according to a paper written by University of Arizona scientists. The flood from deep within the planet could have been as much as 600 cubic kilometers of water. That’s four times as much water as in Lake Tahoe and 65 times as much water as in California’s Salton Sea.

“This is a completely different water release mechanism than previously studied on Mars,” said Devon Burr, a UA doctoral candidate in geosciences. She and UA planetary scientist Alfred S. McEwen analyzed new Mars Orbital Camera (MOC) images near a series of fissures that stretch more than 600 miles across the lava-covered Cerberus Plains just north of the Martian equator.

Burr also added, “It’s very exciting—this find. If Mars is ever colonized, this would be an ideal place for a trailer park.”

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