Aug 182016
 

Bigfoot Wars

This title denotes multiple wars occurring, but when we view, only one takes place… if you can call it a war. Field General Grrrgrah (At least that’s the tag on his hairy chest) growls and displays his incisors constantly in a display of displeasure at his troops. They kidnap young nubile human women and then the Bigfeet cover their breasts with mud. He is greatly dismayed and angered as well as I. At least that is what I understood the growling to mean, either that or he was complaining about a one HUGE hang nail.

One Bigfoot bites the dust and I cried at one more incredibly smelly anthropoid meeting its end. The human side in these “WARS” consist of 4 people. C. Thomas Howell (what an apt name for this movie) plays some supposedly tough-ass hillbilly who carried a sledge hammer on his back just in case someone needed a steak tenderized or railroad tie driven.

I must confess that every Bigfoot, and there are quite a few, all look just like Rob Zombie while in makeup. I defy anyone to tell me otherwise. Judd Nelson appears as a doctor simply because he was bored and had nothing else to do. Audrey Fox was cast to display her naked butt, and it is a fine butt, a butt not to be overlooked, a butt to be cast in plaster.

The cast of nobodies run and scream and die, but do we really care? I was downtrodden by the end when Crazed Hillbilly man and the Sheriff bite the dust wielding a sledge hammer and a machete. They didn’t even last as long as a premature ejaculator. If you wish to watch a plethora of Rob Zombies kill a few people, all the while singing, “More Human Than Human,” you have your film. This movie prompted me to set the world record for self-trepanation, but I only achieved 14 holes in my cranium.

— PK

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Jul 292016
 

Sesame Street moving to HBO

For those not already in the know, Sesame Street and its cast of characters, have found a new home on HBO.

This follows a decision last August where the series signed a five-year deal with HBO after struggling financially over the last three fiscal years. It has operated at a loss for some time now—loosing $21.7 million—as the money from donations, distribution fees, and—most crucially—licensing for merchandise dropped.

For the first time in its nearly 50 years on the air, Sesame Street will air new episodes—its 46th season—exclusively on the cable giant. PBS viewers will then get those episodes nine months later. Reruns will continue to air on PBS in the interim.

Executives at HBO are excited over the new acquisition. “At HBO, we are all fans of the series and couldn’t imagine Sesame Street not continuing on PBS,” Michael Lombardo, HBO president of programming, wrote via email. “We are proud to play this role in allowing it to continue on public television while at the same time seeing great value in adding an iconic series and an extensive library to HBO’s lineup.”

He added, “And we’ll finally be able to give everyone that Bert and Ernie sex scene they’ve been clamoring for.”

So what will be new? Episodes will only be 30 minutes long, for one, instead of the usual hour. This decision was made before the new partnership came about.

“It was a tough call to shorten the episodes,” said staffer Gail McClintock. “We had to reevaluate what we’re focusing on. For instance, we’ve decided to no longer even talk about letters like X, Q and Z. And we’ve axed the number 16. No one cares about 16.”

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Jul 222016
 
Elon Musk Master Plan

Elon Musk recently unveiled his ongoing plan for Tesla.

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 Posted by at 2:11 pm
Jul 202016
 

pokemon_lawn

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 Posted by at 2:10 pm  Tagged with:
Jul 122016
 

Psycho KillerIn a press conference today, presidential nominee Donald Trump reported that he had found a Pokémon in his hair after installing and playing the new Pokémon GO game.

“This is absolutely crazy!” said Trump. “This is exactly the type of thing we can expect from the Liberal agenda. Once I’m president, I’m gonna wrangle all these Pokémon up and send them back to . . . Pokéland . . . or wherever the hell they come from!”

Pokémon GO, a new mobile game from developer Niantic, uses real locations to encourage players to search far and wide in the real world to discover Pokémon. Pokémon GO allows players to find and catch more than a hundred species of Pokémon as they explore their surroundings.

“All this crazy, has got to stop,” added Trump. “These computer nerds need to be held accountable. They’re creating a bunch of mall-walking mutant lemmings with this crap. This problem is real and it needs to end now. And I’m the guy who’s going to put an end to it . . . just as soon as I find an Onix.”

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Recent Study Shows Recent Studies Destroying Fabric of Society

 Loose Crap  Comments Off on Recent Study Shows Recent Studies Destroying Fabric of Society
Sep 252015
 
Survey_Research_Books

A team of researchers from University College London, the London School of Studies and the London School of Something Else revealed that recent studies are ruining the very fabric of society.

Researchers claim that “all of these studies are simply just walking all over each other and eventually don’t mean squat.” In fact, the same researchers pointed out that 98% of statistics are prone to bias or just purely “made up”.

“I’ve conducted many recent studies in my career,” said Dr. George Stoufis from the UCL Institute of Meaningless Digits. “And this one is not much different. In fact, I expect my colleagues to release a future recent study completely negating this current recent study with some equally questionable hypotheses and randomly generated statistics. I’m already researching a new recent study to negate theirs.”

Dr. Stoufis added, “According to this recent study, we documented a direct correlation between the steady deterioration of society and the number of published recent studies. Our numbers show that the more recent studies were conducted, the more society went to crap.”

“We experienced similar results,” added researcher Dr. Stephanie Sanders. “Our recent study show that Dr. Stoufis’ recent study was 94% accurate in 85% of the incidents of societal crapification, but we only experienced a 75% crapification effect in comparison to the UCL’s 78% measured crapification.”

“Previous research has also shown that societal crapification experienced an initial decline after a recent study that measured the effects of a complete cessation of recent studies over a year’s time,” said Dr. Stoufis. “However, we found in another recent study that in the long-term, societal crapification tended to revert to its pre-cessation study status. We suspect that 35% of this reversal is due directly to Facebook and subsequent posts on current recent studies.”

A number of past recent studies claimed that societal crapification remained steady at a rate of 12%. But the latest recent study findings stand contrary to previous findings. The UCL team claims that the correlation between recent studies and the degradation of societal fabric is directly relational.

“Clearly, we’re causing this,” said Dr. Stoufis. “But further studies will need to be done to verify.”

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