May 122001
 

NX

Okay guys, having nothing else ready for my editorial this month and being the lazy bastard I am (not to mention putting off the release of this issue for far too long already) I decided to recycle an e-mail I got some time ago (I didn’t come up with these, except for number 2. So props to whoever concocted this list. These won’t make sense unless you are or know someone who is Portuguese. I find them funny since I’m one. So, enjoy; otherwise, wait until next month for some possible words of wisdom from yours truly.

C-ya.

Top 30 Reasons Why You Might Be A Portaguee

30. If you have a wooden wine vat as a music box, then you might be a Portaguee.
29. If you have a rooster napkin holder, then you might be a Portaguee.
28. If you wear more than 3 gold chains, then you might be a Portaguee.
27. If you have more facial hair than your dog has on its body, then you might be a Portaguee.
26. If you can hold more than one beer in your hand, then you might be a Portaguee.
25. If you have more silver caps in your mouth than you do actual teeth, you just might be a Portaguee.
24. If you button only the last 2 buttons on your polyester shirt, then you might be a Portaguee.
23. If you’re drunk by 8:00 am, then you might be a Portaguee.
22. If you have all of Chico Avila’s albums, then you must be a Portaguee.
21. If the mirrors in your house are framed in gold, then you might be a Portaguee.
20. If you have a party that consists of hanging a veil over a dead pig’s head, then you might be a Portaguee.
19. If you dip stale bread in meat juice of your own free will and enjoy it, then you might be a Portaguee.
18. If you don’t get confused during a chamarita, then you might be a Portaguee.
17. If your house is painted green, yellow, or pink, then you have to be a Portaguee.
16. If you have crocheted doilies on your kitchen counter, then you just might be a Portaguee.
15. If your dad wears his hat so high on his head that the wind can blow it off, then you just might be a Portaguee.
14. If you think red and green match, then you just might be a Portaguee.
13. If you think that sideburns are still in style, then you just might be a Portaguee.
10. If you own a dairy and have satin jackets with your name monogrammed on the back, then you just might be a Portaguee.
11. If you live in Artesia, then you are a Portaguee.
10. If you wear high heels and jeans to the Artesia Bullfights, then you just might be a Portaguee
9. If you say “THE CONTINENT” and are referring to the country of Portugal, then you just might be a Portaguee.
8. If you’ve ever walked in a Festa parade carrying a flag or as a queen, then you just might be a Portaguee.
7. If you have grape vines, favas or couves growing in your backyard, then you just might be a Portaguee.
6. If you talk with your hands while you’re on the phone, you just might be a Portaguee.
5. If you know what “BACALHAU” is then you just might be a Portaguee.
4. If, when you pick up the phone, you say, “YEWLOW”, then you just might be a Portaguee.
3. If your middle name is Maria or Manuel, then you just might be a Portaguee.
2. If you go by your middle name because you, your mother and your sisters all have Maria as a first name, then you might be a Portaguee.

And the #1 reason you might be a Portaguee…

1. If your garage is now your kitchen and dining room, then you are a Portaguee!!!

Viva Portugal!

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