Wouldn’t ya know it, but it seems that the articles I seem to slap together at the last minute usually end up being the masses’ favorites. You wouldn’t believe the emails I received for the Are You A Portaguee? article last year. Hell, some of them were even from as far as Portugal and Brazil. Well, since you guys liked that one so much, here’s even more ways to tell if you’re a Portaguee (as before, I didn’t make these up, just passing them along).
Even More Ways of Telling Whether You’re a Portaguee!
1. If you have more aunts than you can count out on two hands, you may be a Portaguee.
2. If your brother can have 3 girlfriends all sleep over at the same time, but your sister, who is 19 has to be in bed by 7 PM, then you may be a Portaguee.
3. If you are currently in therapy over bad dreams about leather belts and wooden spoons, let’s come to terms, you are a Portaguee!
4. If redecorating your living room means changing the plastic sofa covers, odds are you’re a Portaguee.
5. If you attend more than 9 weddings a year, you just might be a Portaguee.
6. If your parents refer to KFC as “Galinha do Velho”, no ifs ands or buts, you, my friend, are a Portaguee.
7. If your parents earn very little money but you still find yourself traveling back and forth to Portugal several times a year, then your parents must be drug dealers or Portaguees.
8. If your friends come over for dinner and leave 10 lbs. heavier, you may be a Portaguee.
9. If your family says “Micdonnashh” instead of McDonaldâ€™s, â€œAll Greensâ€ instead of Walgreens or â€œAllmartâ€ instead of Wal-Mart, hell you’re a Portaguee.
10. If your mom cried after Montgomery-Wards closed down (or should I say, “Mugummy Wardshh”), then you may be a Portaguee.
11. If your family is so big that at Christmas you have to do Chris Kringle so you don’t go bankrupt, then you may be a Portaguee.
12. If your mom or grandmother ever put on hella perfume and makeup just to go see the doctor, then chances are you’re a Portaguee.
13. If you’ve ever gone “tricou trica” on Halloween, then you’re a Portaguee.
14. If your aunt has ever told you that you are such a “pooty gull” instead of a pretty girl, then you might be a Portaguee.
15. If you have a rooster or a crab at the entrance of your home, then you just might be a Portaguee.
16. If you listen to a radio station that plays the rosary once a day, then you might be a Portaguee.
17. If your parents are too cheap to buy alcohol so they make it themselves, then you are probably a Portaguee.
18. If you find yourself sitting around a dead pig hanging from the ceiling and enjoy it, then yeah, you’re a Portaguee.
19. If you find your self buying a new outfit every weekend just to go to “the hall”, then chances are, you’re a Portaguee.
20. If you know anyone called “Maria do Queijo” or “Manuel da Linguica”, you pretty much have to be Portaguee.
21. If you were raised in a marching band and your lives revolved around that, you’re a Portaguee.
22. If you’ve ever prayed day and night to be a “queen”, face it, you’re a Portaguee.
23. If you’ve ever been involved in a “battle of the dances”, it’s a pretty safe bet you’re a Portaguee.
24. And finally, if your parents ever decided to remodel the house and suddenly Joao do Carpete, Manuel do Tile, Flisberto do Stucco e Antonio dos Cabinetes showed up for dinner, then wouldn’t ya know it, you are a Portaguee!
Don’t ya love it?