HOUSTON, TXâ€”Carl Roper, 46, reported on Thursday, while wandering the power tool section at the local Home Depot, that his ass felt â€œitchyâ€. â€œMan, I donâ€™t know what happened. One minute Iâ€™m looking at this 24-volt cordless Makita power drill and the next Iâ€™m writhing around in discomfort as my crack begins to itch me like wool draws at Christmas.â€ Roper was reported to have tried dealing with the situation in a â€œcivilized mannerâ€, but after a few futile minutes he resulted to more drastic measures.
â€œI jest couldnâ€™t take it no more,â€ continued Roper. â€œThatâ€™s when I says the heck with it and stick my hand down the back of my pants and commenced ta scartchinâ€™. That did the trick.â€ Other shoppers immediately shielded their eyes at the sight. â€œIt was the queerest thing Iâ€™ve ever seen,â€ reported one woman. â€œHe had a power drill in one hand and his other hand down the back of his jeans, all scratchinâ€™ and writhinâ€™. I must say, Iâ€™d expect that sort of thing at K-Mart, but not here.â€ She then paused, cocking her head to one side. â€œBy the way, dear. You wouldnâ€™t happen to know what aisle the mini-blinds are located, would you?â€