Jun 012000

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Anticipation turned into sheer hysteria today when local man Felicio Espara, 35, flipped to a full-page ad for Dungeons and Dragons’ new 3rd Edition in his current issue of Dragon Magazine. “I was like, holy crap!” exclaimed an overly excited Espara. “I had no idea, well I heard some rumors, but when I got to that ad, holy shit, I about wet my pants!” He then continued, stopping only briefly to take in quick, shallow breaths of air. “When I found out, I left work immediately and went home to jump on the Internet. I found some sites that had some juicy info. Man, like there’s these new things called heroic feats or something and there’s like a whole new magic class of character, and I even heard they’re bringing back the monk class. Dude, it’s gonna be awesome! I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of the rules. I wonder if I can preorder it somewhere?” He finally stopped, panting vigorously for a few seconds. “I was up like all weekend looking for any info I could find on it; I’m sure glad I got that DSL line,” he continued.

We then commented on things we had heard about the upcoming release. “What?” he asked, wide-eyed. “Where’d you hear that? Do you have the URL? Are you sure?” He then proceeded to scream, “Oh my God, oh my God!” about 4 or 5 times. When asked about her son’s over exaggerated passion for the popular tabletop role-playing game, Gloria Espara, 55, commented, “I am glad he finds such happiness in those games, but I sure wish he’d clean his room.”

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