Dec 042000

SEATTLE, WA–Karen Foster, 32, dexterously managed to escape a brutal spider attack on Tuesday when the arachnid jumped at her from across the room, obviously targeting her fleshy neck. “Oh it was horrible,” recalled Foster, still visibly shaken. “I had just entered the living room and noticed this huge, I mean HUGE, spider crawling up the wall on the far side of the room.” She paused trying to regain her composure. “I took off my shoe to kill it and that’s when it lunged at me, it’s huge venom filled fangs targeting my neck.” When asked where the spider was now, Foster pointed to the far wall. “It fell over there, by the stereo.”

The so-called “killer arachnid”, measuring an astounding 2 cm in length, was found hiding behind the stereo, covering its head with all eight legs. “Jesus Christ,” said the spider. “That bitch scared the hell out of me! I was just minding my own business when she comes into the room screaming and waving this great smashing-stomping device at me. I passed out and fell behind this stereo. It’s the only thing that saved my life.”

The “death spider” promised to leave the premises stating, “Jeeze, humans give me the willies! Nothing’s more disturbing than something that walks on only two legs.”

Please follow and like us:
Follow by Email

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.