Jan 042010

Psycho KillerEducation, as taught on a specific level in the medium known as Television is very sparse indeed. It can truly be brain numbing even though we lack pain receptors in that organ. I think I did lose some brain mass that day. Part of the numbing effect comes from the countless commercials thrust upon you as you watch anything. My particular favorites are the commercials that are advertising drugs. There is a small blurb as to what the drug essentially tries to accomplish then ALL the adverse side effects. I have never heard the word “death” mentioned so often within a minute. Also anomalies I did not think could happen such as testicles exploding, brain matter seeping from the ears and buttocks falling off. There is a drug that is an anti-depressant that is supposed to be taken with an anti-depressant. I did a double take on that one and of course all the side effects deal with making you even MORE depressed or developing the urge to commit suicide. I think they should have a commentator that can speak as fast as the ones that do car commercials that when at the end of the commercials, relate to you in 2.9 seconds, 459 reasons you will be screwed if you purchase this car. Some of the drug commercial do not even tell you what the drug is for and always tell you to mention it to your doctor if you can take this drug. I did this for one drug I had seen on TV and my doctor asked me when the baby was due.

The most mind numbing aspect of this barrage is 5 minutes of what you are watching and 5 minutes or more of commercials. The network plays the SAME commercials over and over again. How many times must I be informed I can get rid of my hemorrhoids and acne and gets a clean, fresh bathroom floor all at the same time using the all in one miracle product “Hemizitclean”! By the 3rd time I am exposed to this, I am going to be seeing it in my sleep. People watch this crap all the time? Talk about brain washing techniques! Who needs the Chinese water torture? No wonder they are brain dead cattle. I happened to be watching the Discovery channel. The discovery was, why am I watching it? I RARELY watch TV but I saw the EXACT 2 shows I saw the last time I watched it which was over a year and a half ago. They must have limited programming I guess. Throw in some episode of Gilligan’s Island and try and pass it off as Robinson Crusoe.

I would love to know who the person is that is ultimately responsible for the approval of the script to be developed. I am watching a show on giant squids and of course getting hungry with dreams of deep fried cephalopods. The narrator mentions countless times “To see a creature NO MAN has ever seen” when in the course of the show, they point out numerous times that man has seen 1000s of them dead and intact. So the narration should say “To film a creature no man has ever caught on film before!” That is quite a difference. Also certain information is re-iterated numerous times ad nausea. “A creature as long as an 18 wheeler, a creature with the largest eyes of any animal ever known, a creature that engages in inter species relations with Sperm Whales, A creature that cannot get a credit card due to a poor credit rating, A creature that can find NO prostitute to receive sexual gratification from!” I found the last statement hard to believe since it is widely known that there are an endless number of Killer Whales that take up the profession of prostitution. The paying aquatic life must only worry about being eaten or maimed after sex. They are better off then in the insect world. Insect prostitutes ALWAYS bite a john’s head off, no matter how much they are paid!

I then proceeded to watch a show named “I Was Bitten”. Well I think that is quite an understatement since it should have been named “I had my head and neck gnawed on by a Tiger and shot in the hip!” and “I was a Pit Bull chew toy for 35 minutes!” Some of the stories conveyed had NOTHING to do with being just plain bitten. This is similar to presenting a show after being completely run over and smashed by a steamroller and naming it “My finger pinkie was crushed!” I must admit if I wanted to be repulsed or become nauseous, this is the show to watch. Nothing like skulls with no flesh, muscle and skin removed everywhere, finger tips falling off due to necrotic poison. This show had it all except dancing girls and an incoherent Dick Clark. I guess the Discovery channel has discovered how to attract an audience. Why show make believe violence and gore when you can give the people the REAL thing. I have no clue why this is educational in any sense of the word. I guess it is to teach you to remain indoors, lock everything and become an isolationist and bored silly the rest of your days.

I must admit it was a day for nonsensical plots and events written into every show and movie I watched. The educational programs were of course the biggest offenders of all. The biggest belly laugh I received all day was from a movie named “The Cycle”. Unfortunately it would have been more entertaining if it pertained to the menstrual cycle. This is the moment folks when silliness runs amok due to the inability for script writing to produce a viable sequence of events and jumps right to an incident occurring that you just sit in amazement and laugh. Here is the short version of the series of events. There is a young woman in a car relating to Daryl Hanna events that have transgressed. We cut to a scene with her and 4 of her friends walking towards a very large motor home they have been utilizing parked in a LARGE clearing. As they approach the RV, it starts up. They stand and stare, terrified. Well they could all step aside IF it moved towards them. They could have gotten to the door before it could move with its snail like non acceleration. We jump cut to the next scene where one of the young ladies is being crushed between a tree and the RV. How in Hell did that happen? Might as well have been thrown in a great white shark pinning her against the tree since it would have made more sense or a mob of cannibalistic munchkins ready to eat her as BBQ while tailgating at the emerald city awaiting the head to head clash between the Wizard and the Witch of the West in a no time limit caged wrestling bout.

One thought was solidified as I watched the television on Sunday. There is a never ending parade of excrement with very little to watch and even the movies that are unbearable due to commercials. I guess the only way I can watch a movie is to record it or let it play ten to 15 minutes and use the DVR to fast forward through commercials. No wonder I did not have cable for 6 years and did not miss it once. There is a saving grace, on Wed night the Discovery channel airs “I had my testicles crushed in a vice!” Whoa, can’t miss that one.

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  One Response to “Brain Dead”

  1. Yeah, PK, TV is total shit. Although, I do admit to watching When Fat Bitches Attack whenever it’s on. And, on occasion, I catch a flick about a guy who goes back in time and does stuff that could possibly create some catastrophic paradox, but then everything works out because he doesn’t boink his mom… yeah, you know the one.

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