Sep 022002

CRAWFORD, TX—Embarking on a three-day Western swing expected to haul in at least $5 million for Republican politicians, President Bush is taking a stand on one of the region’s thorniest issues by proposing that more logging in national forests would help prevent devastating wildfires.

“For the good of our economy, we need commonsense forest policy,” Bush said during a stop at Mount Rushmore last week. “We can and we must manage our forests. We must keep them disease-free. We must have reasonable forest policies so as to prevent fires, not encourage them.” He continued by saying, “If there are no forests, there are no fires, simple as that. For existing fires we should put them out with water or try a big blanket like my Momma used to use.”

Bush’s plan would streamline the government’s process for reviewing the environmental effects of proposed logging projects; change the standards by which those proposals are approved; and allow government agencies to negotiate contracts giving timber companies and other entities the right to sell the wood products they harvest in exchange for removing them from the forest. It would also provide the President with endless video tape cabinets where he could store his Amos ‘n Andy and Texan Guide To Destroyin’ Shit videos.

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