NEW YORK, NYâ€”In the wake of the World Trade Center tragedy on September 11th a devastating wave rippled across the business community, among these, the satire industry. In an exclusive interview, our very own Necromancer X commented on the lack of material for his website and the abundant lack of “satireable” news in the media.
“You know, I agree that it was a horrible, horrible thing that happened, but do we really need to be made aware of every piece of scrap metal that’s being picked up?” asked a rather glum NX from beneath his shadowy cowl. “We used to keep a close eye on the local and global news scene, you know, for ideas and stuff, but now that’s all that’s being covered. We’re stumped for ideas.” Then with fists raised toward the heavens, “This 24hr coverage is killing us!” He paused, then continued, “I can just imagine what will happen when the U.S. finally retaliates. We’ll probably be shown the same clip of an F-16 taking off over and over again for 24 hours. That and some really bad nighttime explosions.”
Fellow writer and advice columnist, the Luv Doctor, had the following comments: “Yo, man, I’m on da phone. Huh? Well, dat sucka Osama PiÃ±ata is gonna get a boot up his ass over dis shit. What? Naw, man, I ain’t got no article written for ya. Yo, back yo cracka-ass off, fool.”
Other online satire sites seem similarly afflicted by the recent events. The Onion’s current issue is rampant with articles prompted by the Sept. 11 events. Editor-in-Chief, Robert Siegel, refused an interview with StrangeCrap correspondents stating only, “We have a new book out. Please buy it.” It would seem that they too are hard pressed for new stories.
StrangeCrap correspondents then turned their attention to the media itself for answers. Fox News Channel’s own Laurie Dhue agreed to an interview. “I suppose we could go back to covering Condit and Napster again, but I don’t think the nation really cares about those issues anymore,” said the pouty-lipped Dhue. “I mean, why would we stop covering this when we’re getting our best ratings since the Gulf War? It would really be ridiculous for us to break our coverage of the cleanup effort. The only thing that would prompt us to do that would be the US finally attacking Afghanistan, then we’d surely switch to continuous coverage of that.” She concluded saying, “This is Laurie Dhue, Fox News.”
CNN, also providing 24hr coverage of the tons of debris, declined to comment muttering only something about ratings and needing more hot anchorwomen.
Despite the lack of “real news” analysts predict the satire industry will eventually recover and be back to its old shenanigans soon enough. Until then, humor seekers everywhere will just have to wait and listen to countless more interviews with “experts” and their views of the current situation and possible future actionsâ€¦ That, and watch even more debris being cleared away.