Jan 102012

Psycho KillerI liked embarrassing moments SO much I decided to continue upon the topic since I seemed to have amassed an incredible amount of information from friends pertaining to embarrassment.

This is dedicated to the person that believed he was unknown and decided to streak in front of my High School with a ski mask on when I was an underclass. Of course streaking was the fad at the time. Naked people were running onto fields during professional sporting events, through restaurants and also through the occasional nudist colony without anyone noticing. During class one day, a classmate of mine noticed a car pull into the driveway in the front of the school. The overlooked give away as to the identity of the streaker was immediately known since he was driving his car and it was a beauty of an old muscle car. As soon as someone raised the alarm of “Streaker on the grounds!” everyone rushed to the window to watch. We are all voyeurs with the exception of watching John Madden naked. He was in the front yard not far from his car doing a most curious little dance that involved pelvic thrusts interspersed with moon shots. What followed causes me to wince to this day. The perimeter of the yard was surrounded by 4X4 pieces of wood buried into the ground and painted alternately blue and white (our school colors). Mainly they existed to prevent cars from driving onto the yard and tearing it up. Our streaker knew that he had been dancing in the buff long enough and it was time to leave. Imagine hundreds of faces staring out the windows at you nude, with a ski mask on and they all know who you are and the following occurs. He turned to move quickly to his car of which the door had been left open for a quick getaway. At that moment, his feet slid out from under him falling testicles first upon a 4X4. All you heard simultaneously from everyone in the class was a “OOOOHHHHHHH MAAAANNN!” Then the laughter started as he pulled himself painfully on all fours (or should I say 5) into the car and then drove away. Needless to say he was fortunate that he was a senior and time had drawn nigh to graduate. He endured the expulsion and embarrassment until he was gone but to this day has to buy Levi’s REALLY Relaxed Jeans.

Here is another little embarrassment from another senior when I was an underclassman. ON the last day for the seniors, we always looked forward to the end of their half day when the guys with their souped up muscle cars would pull up out in front of the school and using bleach do burnouts. This would always go on for quite some time until the cops were called but since we were located so far out in the boondocks that before any cops would arrive 1/3 of the senior class would be sophomores in college. As soon as it started everyone jumped from their seats and ran to the windows to witness the spectacle. It resembled downtown Akron where the Firestone tire factory was located. It was fun to see who could hold the burn the longest and keep in control. It just so happened that one of the females had received for her hard and overburdened journey through High School (Yeah RIGHT!) a brand new Camaro. Her name was Linda and I remember her last name, I just cannot spell it. What an affront to all the guys! There was a woman pulling up to do a burn out in her new car. Just what the Hell had the world come to? As we stood and watched, Linda placed her foot on the brake and spiked the accelerator and let the tire burn. Not a positraction rear end. This was her downfall. As the one drive tire gained traction, the car pivoted and she drove headfirst into a telephone pole and a 6 foot ditch. She completely totaled her car. This helped the level of testosterone to rise in the room again. To add insult to REAL injury, she was ticketed for reckless driving and received a couple of casts for broken bones. Wouldn’t you want to be remembered like this your entire life?

Here is one that compounds embarrassment upon embarrassment. I had a friend that stopped into a gas station to fill up her vehicle and was in a hurry. She paid her money and hastily pumped her gas and then speedily jumped into her vehicle and sped away. She was a few miles down the road when she noticed a police car speedily coming up behind her flashing his lights. She pulled over and waited for the officer to come to the driver’s side window. As he stood at the window she noticed he was snickering. She asked what was wrong. The officer informed her that the gasoline station wanted their hose and dispensing nozzle back. She felt the heat on her face as it turned bright red. The officer escorted her back to the gasoline station. She went inside and attempted to joke off what had occurred as the two ladies behind the counter tried not to laugh. She paid for damages and quickly walked away, got into her vehicle and drove away again. She was less than a mile down the road when the same police officer pulled her over. He walked up to her window and she asked what she had done this time. The officer said “The gas station still wants their hose back.” That is humiliation upon the 1st return, wanting to die upon the 2nd return.

Again I still have moments of embarrassment to share and will extricate them from my glial cell at a later date.

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