ALAMEDA, CA — Local geek Matthew Bollea was spotted at his computer late last night, agonizing over completing his AOL Instant Messenger profile. According to his roommate, known only as Bob, the 19-year old forkwad Bollea mumbled to himself for hours over selecting the appropriate collection of quotes and song lyrics to represent himself.
“Well, I was thinking of some lyrics from Eminem songs…those are kickass, but when I read them without the music they were kinda racist, and I don’t want to upset the chicas,” Bollea was heard to claim later. The complete fool, who goes by the screen name of “SuperBallz69” continued, “I definitely need to get some sensitive shit in there.”
However, at press time it was determined that the only thing in nerd-boy’s profile was a link to http://www.stileproject.com and a very rude haiku using the popular catchphrase “All your base are belong to us”. Bob also reported that Bollea is known around his school for his wanking ability.