Aug 012000

PITTSBURGH, PA—The nineteen-day old strike of the Local Zombies 423 against international conglomerate Chemutrex remains at an impasse today. “We just aren’t making any progress,” reported Chemutrex spokeswoman Angela Savero. “Knife-in-chest, the 423 Zombie representative, refuses to accept or make counter-offers to any of our proposals.” Rejected proposals include provisions for shorter work-weeks, improved medical coverage, and larger training budgets. When asked about the proposals, Knife-in-chest gestured clumsily and remarked, “BRRRRrrrraaAAAAIIIIiinnnnsSSS!!!!”

A local reporter was able to pull aside Knife-in-chest’s secretary, Bullethole-face, and ask how the morale was in the Zombie 423, where due-collection has recently been at an all-time low. “bbbBBBBRRRAAaaiiiinNNNSSSS!!!!” murmured the largely-undecomposed secretary as he clawed futilely at a nearby window.

Savero was also heard to comment that although Chemutrex wishes for a quick resolution to the labor dispute, there has been discussion of out-sourcing their undead needs. She did go on to say, “We really want the Zombies to come back to work and continue their unfocused, stumbling efforts. If only they would tell us what they want!”

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