Sep 012002
 

Psycho Killer1. Astronauts cannot belch – there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs but a fart will propel them into the vast unknowns of space forever.

2. The air at the summit of Mount Everest, 29,029 feet is only a third as thick as the air at sea level but has twice as many calories.

3. One million, million, million, million, millionth of a second after the Big Bang the Universe was the size of a… pea and kids still did not want to eat it.

4. DNA was first discovered in 1869 by Swiss Friedrich Mieschler after having sex with a 92 year old prostitute and mistaking his prostrate for his taint.

5. The molecular structure of DNA was first determined by Watson and Crick in 1953 after a rousing debate as to who could write their name more legibly in the snow while urinating.

6. The first synthetic human chromosome was constructed by US scientists in 1997 and worn by a 425-pound woman within the next 3 months as pants.

7. The rectal thermometer was invented in 1607 by Galileo when he slipped in the shower and it happened to be lying there.

8. Englishman Roger Bacon invented the magnifying glass in 1250 to examine the itching, peeling, burning of hemorrhoidal tissue.

9. Alfred Nobel invented dynamite in 1866 and all 2,435 pieces of him were awarded a scientific award.

10. Wilhelm Rontgen won the first Nobel Prize for physics for discovering X-rays in 1895 an went on to sell millions of X-Ray specs for looking through women’s clothes in the back of many comic books.

11. The tallest tree ever was an Australian eucalyptus – In 1872 it was measured at 435 feet tall but in 1992 was found to be only 4 feet tall due to the fact Australians drink a lot.

12. Christian Barnard performed the first heart transplant in 1967 – the patient lived for 18 days until the warranty expired and he had not purchased an extension plan.

13. The wingspan of a Boeing 747 is longer than the Wright brother’s first flight which involved Orville falling face first off the neighbor’s barn roof while shit-faced.

14. An electric eel can produce a shock of up to 650 volts enough to power a vibrator to give a normal sexually adjusted woman 4 orgasms.

15. Human tapeworms can grow up to 22.9m and can have up to 34 minutes of music recorded upon them.

16. Chimps can understand 300 different signs but they can never understand the “Wash your hands after you use the bathroom” sign.

17. The Ebola virus kills 4 out of every 5 humans it infects and leaves the 5th with an overwhelming urge to watch every idiotic reality show on television.

18. In 5 billion years the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant and beat the crap out of the Jolly Green Giant for wearing leotards!

19.Giraffes often sleep for only 20 minutes in any 24 hours. They may sleep up to 2 hours (in spurts – not all at once), but this is rare since they do not want to miss any of the great buys on the Home Shopping Network

20. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes but they only have one in their entire lives since insanity sets in.

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