May 182012
 

Psycho KillerPeople love certain fantastical realms in our otherwise mundane (BWA HA HA, life is ANYTHING but mundane!) world. They become obsessed with Star Wars and create an elaborate history of, say, the Jedi Knights. Do a search in Wikipedia on Jedi Knights. You will find hundreds of pages pertaining to something that does not exist. I am sure there are thousands (or frightfully too many to count) of people in their homes at night wearing their Jedi garb and waving their hands in front of their child at the dinner table saying, “This is the meal you were expecting! Not a frozen microwaved meal!”.

The children are looking at each other in anger and in unison toss their frozen meals at pop and yell, “Try and make those levitate, FREAK!”

Father, covered in spaghetti, says to himself, “EVIL SITH!!”

This kind of thing takes place all the time. I wanted to know if Jedi Knights wear boxer shorts. They do NOT! I found that online! Amazing. I found out Darth Vader never has to shower so he must be one stinky guy! Boots filled with sweat! If you take the Star Wars universe and look at it in a practical fashion nothing would make sense. In the early movies, the wisdom of Yoda the hand puppet would drone on about the power of the dark side of the force as if it were a metaphysical platform to attain. Later, we find out whoever has the highest Midi-chlorian count kicks every one’s butts.

I saw a e-mail string of a sad man explaining to others he has to make big adjustments in his diet to balance his energy levels and keep his mind clear. I had wondered why McDonald’s never introduced the Jedi Meal alongside the Happy Meal. McDonald’s, where all Jedi masters eat, and achieve balance of mind and body! They also get a HAPPY MEAL TOY! JOY!!!

I looked up Klingonese as a language. Now this has been around for quite a while and you think that it would be quite extensive in its made up vocabulary. You wish to speak Klingon? Just sound like you are clearing your throat of phlegm and you will sound just like one! I remember in the episode “The Trouble with Tribbles” a Klingon spews out the insult about Captain Kirk and a Denebian Slime Devil (Well Kirk does seem to have sex with anything he runs across). I looked at the translations and you CANNOT say this in Klingon! How can that be? You can say, “I have a giant Grolzth in my pants!” But nothing about Denebian Slime Devils.

I also discovered that the ridges that Klingons have on their heads are also on their buttocks, “ BUT-HHOC!”. This made me realize why they are such an aggressive race. Imagine having to go down a slide as a child with horizontal ridges on your “BUT-HHOC!”? It would be bumpy and painful and make for a rather grumpy Klingon! Klingons also have sexual harassment laws, but they only deal with giant Grolzth that get in your pants!

I just saw Anakin’s Jedi laser sword online for sale! I am just SO excited, I need a Jedi Meal!

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