May 092001

TALLAHASSE, FL—Local homeless man, Backstreet Willie announced the grand opening of his new company last week at a press conference held behind the dumpster of Pete’s Pasta Palace. “I’s opening my bidness today marking the new hopes of thems like me!” said Willie proudly holding up a cardboard sign. “No more will da homeless be driffen to hunger and want. What?”

Willie then broke a bottle of Mad Dog against the dumpster and motioned everyone present to tour his new establishment which consisted of several slabs of cardboard, a few crates, a magic marker and a couple cans of spray paint. Willie’s new corporation, The Cardboard Sign Training Center (TCSTC) will provide education on effective cardboard sign construction and assist in strategic street corner placement. The first of the five-day classes were scheduled to begin promptly at 8:00 AM the next morning or whenever Willie was sober enough to teach.

Willie stated that Federal Assistance is available for those who qualify. Currently tuition is set to a pack of smokes, a cup of Dinty Moore Beef Stew and some Night Train. Any spare change is also welcome.

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