PUNTA GORDA, FLâ€”Local comic book collector, Bobby Luntz, has been the topic of much conversation around Punta Gorda lately. Some people are commenting on his lack of personal hygiene, but most have been discussing about how he is “way too sensitive” about his Captain Marvel poster.
“I’ve known Bobby since we were both little,” said Sam Garberg, a longtime friend of Luntz. “And he is usually a pretty cool guy. But I went over to his place the other day, and I see this big poster he has on the wall. It has this guy in a red suit and a cape, and he’s got this caption over him that says “Shazam!”. So I say to Bobby, ‘Like, cool Shazam poster’â€”BIG mistake.
“Bobby starts acting all crazy,” Garberg continued. “He starts screaming ‘That’s Captain Marvel, not Shazam!’ Then he starts going on some sort of rampage about how I am a total retard for not already knowing that. I was stunned. It reminded me of the time that I suggested he move out of his parent’s basement. I just had to leave.”
“I may have overreacted a bit.” Luntz stated, after being questioned about the incident. “But, come on, what kind of guy doesn’t know the difference between Captain Marvel and Shazam? Captain Marvel is the superhero in the red suit and cape, Earth’s mightiest mortal. Shazam is the ancient wizard that gave the young boy, Billy Batson, the power to turn into Captain Marvel. Billy Batson has to invoke Shazam’s name to turn into Captain Marvel. What kind of loser doesn’t know that?” Luntz ranted, hyperventilating.
“It really bothers me that people don’t pay attention to these things. It’s a real pet peeve of mine,” Luntz continued. “So when somebody looks at my Captain Marvel poster, and calls him Shazam, I undergo this transformation â€” not unlike the transformation that Dr. Bruce Banner undergoes when he turns into the Incredible Hulk”, he added, “and I just can’t help myself.” Luntz concluded, taking a couple hits off of his asthma inhaler.
“That’s true,” confirmed Tom Clefsky, Luntz’s other friend. “He totally loses it whenever the Shazam thing comes up, but he’s kind of asking for it. When you walk into his room, that poster is the first thing you see. It’s hung up just opposite the door; you can’t help but look at it. So if you walked into a room and saw a huge poster of this costumed freak shouting ‘Shazam!’, what else are you supposed to say?” an exasperated Clefsky said.
“Normally, I would agree,” Bobby replied. “But this is Captain Marvel and Shazam that we are talking about. Next you’re going to tell me that you don’t know the difference between Thanos and Ronan the Accuser!”
“Who?” Tom responded, scratching his head.