Jul 022002

A Gatineau man (wherever that is!) searching for a his blow up sexual doll patch kit in his basement office made a scaly discovery instead.

Gilles St-Jean the Holy noted that there was a “desk eject” warning on his computer screen. He tried to press the button to close the door holding the disk wholly expecting a desk to be ejected and not realizing it was really just a typo in the article. It went in halfway, then popped out again. What “it” was was never really explained. If it was the desk again we can only surmise Gilles is brain damaged.

It was then he saw a snake’s head protruding from the disk holder. He grabbed for the reptile but grabbed hold of his own one eyed trouser snake instead! The real snake disappeared into the entrails of the computer.

Mr. St-Jean unplugged the computer and brought it outside. The snake emerged after he unscrewed one side and tapped the secret “I have a mouse out here for you to eat, William!” message on the computer.

Mr. St-Jean’s son Philippe, 3, was impressed and was heard to say, “garblew wicklly breeeuupp!” and then proceeded to projectile vomit four hour old milk. His wife, Lynne, was not, she proceed to go back to her next door neighbor “Big John Stud’s” home and be really impressed by size. The frightened snake, the third offspring of 82 hatchlings — likely a common garter snake — headed straight for the garage where he could get a cold beer and catch a ball game on the tellie and hasn’t come out again.

Theorizing that the snake was attracted to the heat of the computer as well as delicious snacks, the St-Jeans now keep a small fondue pot inside the the computer when in use. “It takes a long time to reboot and keep the cheese nice and hot” said Mr. St-Jean.

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