Aug 302002

LIVERMORE, CA—A very insane and distastefully larged thighed man who put a curse on Livermore’s sewer system says he’ll remove it if the city apologizes.

Adam Fortunate Eagle Two Turtle Doves In A Pear Tree Nordwall claims to have placed a curse on the city in the early 1970s because officials allegedly mistreated a totem pole he gave Livermore as a gift by using it as a replacement electrical pole placed outside of a Taco Bell.

When crews installed the 20-foot totem pole, they cut several feet off the bottom and set it in concrete and used ruby red lipstick on the face that resembled Marilyn Monroe.

Nordwall says that modifications desecrated his work of art since the lipstck color should have been pink, and demanded it be restored. City officials refused since red lips aroused them, so Nordwall says he put a curse on the sewer system.

A week later, sewers backed up and Chathulu and the Old Ones came into our universe. Nordwall says it really happened and has video tape but is refusing to release it…

Workers have since restored the pole. But Nordwall says he’ll only lift the curse if the city apologizes and buys him a number six meal, go large, at the local Burger King.

Mayor Marshall Kamena supports the idea saying, “I’d rather not mess with something I don’t understand, like does the hole in my underwear face front or back?”

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