May 142012

Psycho KillerMy friend Rich and I went to Yosemite this weekend and it was GORGEOUS. We arrived early and had the park to ourselves, it seemed, for 2-3 hours. Temperature was wonderful and there was some snow still on the ground. I did not have to wear sun screen and no burn. Just beautiful. Lots of run off so we were mainly taking a LOT of water pictures.

We had decided to walk back to mirror lake and take some pictures. Lots of shots while we walked of the stream racing beside us. We reach Mirror Lake and there happens to be some wild life around there. Ground squirrels and Jays and Ducks and people naked doing the wild thing thinking no one can see them. I had decided to wear desert camouflage fatigues in order to carry lenses in my pockets. Rich would turn once in a while to say something to me and he would not see me, I was also almost hit by bike many a time. Here lies the problem.

I was attempting to take a picture of ground squirrel sitting up and eating. He was SO cute. Movement nearby startled the little fellow. He immediately looked at my leg and misconstrued it for a tree. He or she ran up the inside of my pant leg. If you have never felt the claws of a squirrel you can only imagine how they can climb so easily. Well the squirrel is clinging to the inside of my leg and I am jumping around screaming and smacking my leg because it is so painful and of course the squirrel is running to all points on my leg. I just do not want the squirrel getting into my underwear. As I am screaming and smacking myself and jumping around I happened to not notice I have moved into the lake. I trip over a branch and fall in. The lake is only one foot deep clear across at this point. I am screaming and rolling in the water and no one knows what is transgressing.

Four guys strip off their shirts and jump into the lake and are trying to pull me back onto the shore but I am too busy in pain fighting the creature in my pants and four guys trying to pull me out. Two Rangers show up at that moment and one drew a gun and screamed “Everyone freeze! There will be no gang raping on my WATCH!” At that point Rich, I think, saved us all by yelling, “It’s OK, He’s a HETEROSEXUAL!!!!” The Rangers waded in to help the 4 other guys drag me ashore as it looked like I was in convulsions. The squirrel had had enough. Everyone stood back aghast at this huge bulge racing around in my pants and my trying to get it going in the right direction! It finally shot out the leg of my pants, ran about 4 feet, stopped, turned and gave me a very dirty look. One Ranger looked surprised and quipped, “You sure it did not build a nest in there?” HAR HAR! First aid was given for the scratching post which was my leg. Rich never got one photo!

I have changed my mind about cute little squirrels, I think they are too deadly to deal with and large caliber guns should be employed whenever one is encountered!

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