Sep 252015

A team of researchers from University College London, the London School of Studies and the London School of Something Else revealed that recent studies are ruining the very fabric of society.

Researchers claim that “all of these studies are simply just walking all over each other and eventually don’t mean squat.” In fact, the same researchers pointed out that 98% of statistics are prone to bias or just purely “made up”.

“I’ve conducted many recent studies in my career,” said Dr. George Stoufis from the UCL Institute of Meaningless Digits. “And this one is not much different. In fact, I expect my colleagues to release a future recent study completely negating this current recent study with some equally questionable hypotheses and randomly generated statistics. I’m already researching a new recent study to negate theirs.”

Dr. Stoufis added, “According to this recent study, we documented a direct correlation between the steady deterioration of society and the number of published recent studies. Our numbers show that the more recent studies were conducted, the more society went to crap.”

“We experienced similar results,” added researcher Dr. Stephanie Sanders. “Our recent study show that Dr. Stoufis’ recent study was 94% accurate in 85% of the incidents of societal crapification, but we only experienced a 75% crapification effect in comparison to the UCL’s 78% measured crapification.”

“Previous research has also shown that societal crapification experienced an initial decline after a recent study that measured the effects of a complete cessation of recent studies over a year’s time,” said Dr. Stoufis. “However, we found in another recent study that in the long-term, societal crapification tended to revert to its pre-cessation study status. We suspect that 35% of this reversal is due directly to Facebook and subsequent posts on current recent studies.”

A number of past recent studies claimed that societal crapification remained steady at a rate of 12%. But the latest recent study findings stand contrary to previous findings. The UCL team claims that the correlation between recent studies and the degradation of societal fabric is directly relational.

“Clearly, we’re causing this,” said Dr. Stoufis. “But further studies will need to be done to verify.”

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