Jan 012002

KENYA, AFRICA—To the shock of a horrified production staff, contestants of the third Survivor series, Survivor: Africa were quickly gobbled up by a pack of hungry Africans this past Father’s Day.

Brad Turner, a boom operator for the popular show, could do nothing but sit idly by as a band of half-starved African locals attacked and devoured all 16 contestants during their first physical challenge on Sunday June 17. “It was horrible,” stated Turner still visibly shaken. “I couldn’t do anything to help the contestants—we are instructed not to get involved in anything that happens. I’m just glad I managed to captured the detail of the gnawing sounds clearly over the screams.”

Jeff Probst, the host of the highly successful reality show, nearly escaped the cannibalistic escapades saying only, “The tribe has spoken, man. The tribe has spoken.”

When asked why they had attacked and consumed the Survivor contestants, the locals only jumped up and down in unison repeatedly chanting, “Screw the oatmeal, send more tasty Americans!”

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