BUTTHURT AMERICAN BOYCOTTS EVERYTHING

 Loose Crap  Comments Off on BUTTHURT AMERICAN BOYCOTTS EVERYTHING
Jan 162017
 

In light of recent events, David Langley—a butthurt American—has made it his personal mission to boycott just about everything. Whether in the form of links to fake news sites or political cartoons supposedly pushing some self-righteous, kitsch ideology, Langley’s Facebook page is strewn in vomitous volume with posts regarding his current level of butthurt.

“I’m just absolutely distraught over the actions and attitudes of family and friends. There’s not a free-thinker among them,” said Langley regarding anyone who doesn’t share his point of view. “I’ve made it my mission to post as much garbage as I can in light of that fact. Being a free-thinker means only thinking like me.”

Langley, a 38-year-old self-proclaimed liberal, says he won’t rest until Trump is out of the White House—even if it takes him eight years to get it done. Continue reading »

BEM FEITO!

 nX-crement Files  Comments Off on BEM FEITO!
Nov 092016
 

bemfeitoThere is a fitting Portuguese term that I feel applies to last night’s election. Literally, it translates into “Good Work”. However, that is not what it means. The literal translation fails to capture the true snarkiness and almost karma-esque nature behind the meaning. The term I’m referring to is “Bem Feito.”

For instance, say a child talks back to his parents, then turns around to leave and smacks his head on the door jam: BEM FEITO! Or say someone is playing the fool and is warned to knock it off, then falls and injures herself: BEM FEITO! Or say someone is running for president and rigs the primary, threatens anyone who opposes her, holds back criminal information, abandons those in her care, dismisses a majority of her constituency and is outright dishonest: BEM FEITO!

Before I go on, I want to point out the tallies in several states. I’ll be using R to represent Republican, D for Democrat and I for a third party whether it be Libertarian, Green or something else. I want to focus on the states that voted Republican but were very close.

Continue reading »