Aug 012002

BODDAM, ABERDEENSHIRE—Police have launched an appeal after an elderly couple’s garden gnomes were stolen in a midnight raid by a professional ring of night stalking gnome ninjas which have been striking consistently in the same area. “We know they were ninjas because of the black suits and the shurikens they threw at us,” said Jim ‘I have no life’ Wilson.

Elsie and Jim Wilson, from Boddam, Aberdeenshire, neighbors of Bilbo Baggins, woke up to find that their prized gnomes named Ulfguardd and Shera, Princess of Power, a wrought-iron garden bench made from the entrails of mechagodzilla and an anatomically correct three-foot-high cement statue of popular cartoon character Oor Wullie’s Winkie had disappeared.

The pensioners were left shocked by the theft last week and had to be sedated and taken to a nearby mental institution when they became delusional believing themselves to be Mr. and Mrs. Winston Churchill. Mr. Wilson was heard saying as he was being taken away, “WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER…….”

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