Dec 132000


10. Tobacco Companies: What can I say? These guys make a living killing people. Hopefully someday people who consider themselves “intelligent” will realize just how stupid they really are and will give these tobacco execs a clue that maybe it’s time to do something else: like not taking advantage of people’s weaknesses and chemical dependencies.

9. McDonald’s: Okay, so they’re acceptable if you need something to eat and only have $3 on you. But, as with everything else, there’s a reason why this food is so cheap: it’s crap! Even now that they’ve supposedly only started making the food when you order it, it still tastes like crap. You know something, they may not make the burger until you order it, but I’m sure they cook the “meat” well before you enter their establishment. Why do I think this? Well, when I order a burger and it gets to me in under a minute then they did not just cook it. Do they expect us to believe that they have some nuclear fusion grill that is capable of frying a meat patty in a matter of microseconds? And what’s up with “America’s favorite fries”? Who the fuck came up with this survey? These strips of congealed vegetable oil flavored potato resin are absolutely the worst fries in existence. Hey, you want good fast food that’s actually cooked when you order it? Then go to Jack In The Box… And for God’s sake, people, put someone who speaks english in the Drive-Thru!

8. Compaq: Ever buy one of their computers? Do you know something about computers? Do you need help? Do you need a device driver? Well, don’t look to their tech support personnel or their web site for help because they don’t know and they don’t care. They have your money and that’s what’s important. Any company that doesn’t support their products can go fuck themselves. Not only do you get the crappiest hardware on the market when you purchase one of these proprietary, canned systems, you also purchase the peace of mind knowing that no one at that company will be able to help you… ever. God forbid something goes wrong with your system. First, you’ll have to pay for help since your 30-day warrantee has expired. Then you’ll sit back in utter horror as the dipshit on the other end of the phone walks you through a complete hard drive reformat and system reinstall, all before you realize that none of your files were backed up. Aw, don’t worry. It’ll only take you another 6 months to redo all your fucking work!

7. Mattel: Okay, this is strictly a personal thing. You may think: what on earth have they done? Well people, “family companies” should care about “families”. It’s bad enough when they buy your company then realize, “Hey, we fucked up! Let’s lay off a bunch of people, fire our CEO because our stock price dropped to $9, pay her a $41 million dollar severance and then cry that we, the board of directors and the stock holders, are the real victims.” Oh, we (the working class) feel so sorry for you poor pathetic limp-dicks. I mean, what on earth are you supposed to do with only one summer home? I hope your stock prices fall to nothing and you have to sell your children to prostitution just to make enough money to eat. After all, that’s how we have to scramble every time one of you dumb fucks decides to lay us off. Why don’t you idiots take a good look at your products? After all, how many fucking Barbies and Hot Wheels do people really need? Get over yourselves!

6. Insert your local phone company here: Ah, I dare any of you to call your local phone company and have them explain each of those little charges on your bill that seem to add up to $60 even before you actually make any phone calls. It’s all bullshit, people, and they’re more than happy to fling it at us. We’ll always be here, smiling, as pound after pound of their crap is thrust upon our wallets. But what is a consumer to do? Get a cell phone, that’s what. It’s cheaper and they are even including long distance now. The phone companies will have to learn the hard way, I guess.

5. Insert your local power company here: Ever wonder why your electric bill is so high? Let me tell you: there’s a natural gas shortage, there was an oil spill in some offshore part of the world that no one’s ever heard of, uh, Sadam Hussein was caught sodomizing a sacred camel over the heating oil capitol of the world and has sent heating oil prices soaring in fear that Allah will strike him down, sunlight and wind are extremely expensive and are not reliable sources of energy and all of the research money needed to prove this has to come from somewhere. Is that enough? Well, how about this: the CEO of your local power company is finding it harder and harder to make the payments on his six summer homes, yacht, private health club, penile implant, his addiction to Viagra, his three mistresses, the plane tickets to southeast Asia where he flies to have sex with underage boys, alimony from three previously failed marriges, and his children’s tuition at Harvard. Gee, could that be it?

4. Microsoft: Okay, I guess everyone was expecting them. But Bill gates and Co. are not at the top of my list. Here’s my real beef with Microsoft. It’s not that they have bad products or that their programmers suck; they have, in my opinion, some of the best programmers out there. It’s mainly the fact that they are so big, and such a monopoly (yes, guys, you are) that they don’t feel the need to listen to their customers, i.e. the rest of the world, when it comes to improving their products. I really hate it when a bunch of fucking suits, sitting around some grand oaken round table, decide that they know what’s best for me. Even now as I am writing this in their Word program, I am constantly fighting with the program as it attempts to indent my numbers automatically. Listen, if I wanted to indent my numbers THEN I’D FUCKING INDENT THE FUCKING NUMBERS MYSELF! Ooops, I better save this before Windows crashes.

3. AOL: These are one of the biggest rat-bastards I can think of. Okay, not only is their service horrible, but they somehow seem to think they are the greatest thing since flavored condoms. Let me tell you, just because you can brainwash every other ignorant hick in the country into thinking the Internet is what you perceive it to be, doesn’t mean you are the best. Their way of thinking is the same as that of McDonald’s: we sell the most god-awful crap in the world; therefore, we have to be the best, WRONG! Quantity in no way should be equated to quality. Your service is slow, your employees are slow, and your actual Internet access is less than horrible. Remember, AOL, you can paint shit pink and it may look nice, but deep down inside it’s still shit.

2. AT&T: I don’t even know where to begin with these bunch of cum-burping shit-heads. Not only were they a monopoly in the past, and you’d think they’d have learned a lesson, but, oh no, they are up to their old shenanigans again. They have pretty much taken over the cable industry now. And here’s what really pisses me off about them: they come in and buy my local cable provider, promising all along the way that nothing’s going to change, only the name. Then out of the blue, they rearrange every fucking channel to how they think it will make more sense to me! Listen up, you bunch of fucking cock-sucking suits; you don’t know shit about me! The only thing you know or care to know about me is my address so that you can send me your overly inflated bill every month. Then to top it off, they take away the Sci-Fi channel that I pretty much never turned off. They do away with the expanded package that carried it and moved it to only their Digital Cable crap, which means that if I ever want to see Sci-Fi again I’m going to have to shell out another $10-$15 a month for the one channel I want. FUCK YOU AT&T! I’d rather just get rid of your horrible service once and for all and get a satellite dish or hell, maybe even some rabbit ears. I can download the programs I want off the Internet anyway, so to hell with you. Here’s some advice to you AT&T: nobody needs 10 shopping channels!

Oh, and they’ve also recently bought Cellular One, my cellular provider. I can see the few extra cent charges piling up month after month until my bill is some ungodly amount, much more than what I originally signed up for. And of course there’ll be nothing I can do because I’m locked into a contract and their price hikes are covered by some fine print that I’d need an electron microscope to see.

1. Chevron/Shell/Mobil, etc.: (This one’s actually serious) You think that these companies only get their oil from the Middle East, right? Think again. Chevron, among other oil companies, has been drilling in off shore areas of Africa for some time now. Not only are they destroying the local environment of those who live there, they have even been assisting and funding the local governments in killing those who attempt to protest. Why haven’t you heard about this, well these companies have obscene amounts of money and are paying the right people to make sure you don’t hear about it.

The Niger Delta, one of the world’s largest wetlands, and the site of most of Nigeria’s biodiversity, is also the area where the main oil reserves are found. Almost one third of Nigeria’s oil is shipped directly to the US. Most of the balance is sent to other countries, mainly in Europe, and very little remains in Nigeria for refinement and consumption. During the last four decades, hundreds of billions worth of crude oil have been extracted from the Niger Delta wetlands, earning huge profits for a privileged few, while virtually robbing the affected communities of both life and livelihood. Though oil companies claim that their operations are carried out according to the highest environmental standards, it is indisputable that they have had a severe impact on the environment, and on agricultural and fish production throughout the Niger Delta region. Many communities report they rarely receive any or sufficient compensation for land taken by oil companies, or rendered useless by oil spills, acid rain, and other forms of pollution. Moreover, protests against environmental degradation and loss of land rights by local communities have frequently met with violent repression by the various police and security bodies with the complicity of the oil companies. Do people destroy environments and kill those who stand in the way of their profits? People do. Think of that the next time you fill up.

Don’t believe me? Find out more for yourself by visiting here.

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