ELYRIA, OH–Local resident John Fine revealed in a press conference yesterday a picture of his own fecal matter which bore an eerily resemblance to the popular South Park icon, Mr. Hankey. â€œI didnâ€™t plan on it looking like him; it just came out that way,â€ Fine told a group of shocked and disgusted reporters. â€œMy friend Cal was the very first to see it. I ran over to his house right after I took the dump and brought him to take a gander at it. I still canâ€™t believe it actually came out of me.â€
When asked what he thought of the event, Cal Barkin, 44, revealed, â€œI was upset at first when John dragged me away from the rerun of Adam-12 I was watching, but when I saw the turd, I just thought, golly, itâ€™s amazing!â€ Barkin then pointed out that, â€œIf you put your ear close enough to it (the turd), you can almost hear it say, â€˜HI-D-HO!â€™â€ Comedy Central, the network that airs the popular South Park cartoon, could not be reached for comment. It was rumored, however, that they have issued a Cease And Desist Order on any future John Fine bowel movements.