Nov 132000

ELYRIA, OH–Local resident John Fine revealed in a press conference yesterday a picture of his own fecal matter which bore an eerily resemblance to the popular South Park icon, Mr. Hankey. “I didn’t plan on it looking like him; it just came out that way,” Fine told a group of shocked and disgusted reporters. “My friend Cal was the very first to see it. I ran over to his house right after I took the dump and brought him to take a gander at it. I still can’t believe it actually came out of me.”

When asked what he thought of the event, Cal Barkin, 44, revealed, “I was upset at first when John dragged me away from the rerun of Adam-12 I was watching, but when I saw the turd, I just thought, golly, it’s amazing!” Barkin then pointed out that, “If you put your ear close enough to it (the turd), you can almost hear it say, ‘HI-D-HO!’” Comedy Central, the network that airs the popular South Park cartoon, could not be reached for comment. It was rumored, however, that they have issued a Cease And Desist Order on any future John Fine bowel movements.

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