Aug 302002

SAUDI ARABIA—A court in the northern Saudi Arabia desert of the greatest and heinous despair has sentenced a Nigerian teenager to six months in jail and 240 false eyelashes for trying to have sex with a dromedary or bactrian camel, which was not determined, Al-Iqtissadiya and The Forty Thieves newspaper reported Sunday.

The Tabuk court, 15 to love, found the 17-year-old boy guilty of “having tried to have sexual relations with a camel after showing it some porn magazines and films to get it in the mood,” the paper said.

The camel’s owner, Ben Ali Von Smidt, told the paper however that the young Nigerian, “got into his farm and had talked dirty” with Josette the camel after seeing multiple episodes of Mr. Ed.

Camels are a firm buttock favorite in the Gulf region, where racing them on formula one race tracks is a popular sport and good racers often earn huge sums to pay for the posterior damage suffered in the races.

“Beauty contests” for the long-lashed beasts are not unheard of and Arab men often invest in sexual blowup replicas as not to harm their true loves.

Saudi Arabia applies a strict code of Islamic Sharia law, which prescribes corporal punishment for many misdemeanors such as too much curry in rice and women making eye contact or doing anything other than creating male offspring, you know all that REALLY important shit.

The kingdom also imposes the death penalty on people found guilty of murder, rape, apostasy, armed robbery, drug trafficking, repeated drug offenses, eating candy without brushing, having independent or creative thoughts and having any resemblance to a real human being.

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